So I’m being bombarded by Apple’s super-expensive advert campaign telling me how great Macs are and how only dull business nerds bother with PCs.
The adverts feature the smug comedy duo David Mitchell and Robert Webb. And they’re on the tele. They’re on billboards. They’re everywhere.
And when I pop over to my MySpace homepage, what’s that blaring out (with the audio set to ‘on’ by default?).
Yep, it’s another chuffing advert featuring the same two comedians, happily selling their arses for a slice of Apple’s fat budget while insisting that I’m deeply mistaken in my choice of computer.
The two comics – who are quickly transforming from entertaining to kill-them-in-the-face irritating in my book – pair up for a Mr Mac and Mr PC routine, designed to make users want to rush out and put money in Jobs’s already expansive coffers.
The set of six adverts insist that PCs users are doomed to suffer an onslaught of unstoppable viruses, security leaks and endless crashes.
PC users are represented as dull business bores who wouldn’t know what fun is if it French-kissed them in the buttocks, while Mac users are seen to be spontaneous, fun-loving bon viveurs, hurtling along the highway of creativity at reckless speeds.
So I give in. I decide to take a look at the videos on Apple’s site, and click on the link using my virus-free, non-crashing, safe and relatively fun PC and get ready to learn, “Why I’ll love a Mac.”
And then, oh dear. Firefox brings up an error message. From the one, solitary piece of Apple software on my machine; Quick Time.
Still, no problem. After all, I’m trying to look at an Apple site with Apple software and their site proudly boasts that their products “just work,” so I’m sure we’ll be over this little glitch in moments.
“Quick Time is missing software to perform this operation…” says the pop up window as only the audio plays in the background.
“Fair enough,” I think to myself, confident of a slick, smooth, user-friendly solution coming along.
And then comes the killer blow with the final line of the error message: “Unfortunately, it is not available on the QuickTime server.”
And that’s it. No help offered, no options, just a simple, ‘It doesn’t work, it won’t work and we’re not going to tell you how to make it work. So bugger off’
Thanks Apple.
But I’m a determined soul, so I decide to fire up Internet Explorer 7 instead.
As soon as I arrive at Apple’s page it wants to run an Active X control and for me to download QuickTime.
Hmmm. Not very user friendly. Why should I have to go through all the palaver of downloading software just to view an advert I can view just fine on other sites?
But – hey! – I want to be the cool guy instead of the nerdy PC user, so I download the software and get ready to be entertained and persuaded.
Except I’m left with the same blank, audio-only video which ends with a message from Apple asking me, “how much time have I spent troubleshooting your PC?”
I don’t think my answer to that is printable.
*Postscript: we asked several PC-owning friends to look at the Apple page and they had mixed fortunes. Some had no problems viewing the videos, while others suffered the same blank screen/error message combo as me.
Of course, Mac-huggers could argue that this proves how useless PCs are, but the fact that the videos played back perfectly before QuickTime shoved in its oar sure doesn’t speak a persuasive word to my ears.
Hot off the factory presses are three new all-black models, all with distinctive and stylish looks.
The i7 packs a 7.2 megapixel sensor, 3x optical zoom, Advanced Shake Reduction (ASR) technology, SVGA video, face recognition ISO 1600 and even an integrated MP3 player with simulated SRS 3D sound.
Pentax have announced two new slim-line cameras, the T30 and M30, both sporting 7 megapixel sensors and face detection.
With Digital SR you may manage to grab a low light photo without blur, but odds on it’ll look like it’s been taken in a noise snowstorm (which rather sounds like a death metal concert).
Optio M30
Exposure compensation +/- 2EV in 1/3EV steps
Slimmer than a hungry supermodel deprived of her daily slice of crispbread, Samsung’s new Ultra Edition 10.9 slider has proudly grabbed the honours to claim the accolade as the “world’s slimmest” slider phone.
Despite its wisp-like dimensions, Samsung have still managed to squeeze in a fair amount of functionality, with a 3.2-megapixel camera on the back of the phone for grabbing stills.
After all, judging by the way our Treo 650 has been battered about during visits to football games and ale-slopping nights at the pub, we reckon the Ultra Edition 10.9 would soon become the Broken Edition 10.9 within hours. 
Back in our day we lived in an old water tank on a rubbish tip and considered ourselves lucky if we ate two bits of cold gravel for lunch and had a broken pen for our school work. 
The Scottish initiative – costing £25 million – will see all pupils over the age of 10 in selected schools being handed shiny new PDAs, with 6,000 teachers also enjoying the freebie onslaught.
The scheme will also provide free wireless Internet in a move to keep children interested in schoolwork by giving them online access to course material and homework.
With Simon and Garfunkel’s ‘Slip Sliding Away’ surely on perpetual loop in the factory, LG have released yet another natty phone that’s big on that super-slidey thang, the 3G LG-SH110.
Rustling though the minimal specs offered thus far, we can tell you that Messrs LG have wedged in a 2.0-megapixel camera coupled with a secondary VGA camera for video calling, with the screen able to show your own face and the caller recoiling in horror at your gurning mug.
HSDPA connectivity offers super nippy 1.8Mbps connectivity with visio-conference functionality hoping to tempt business bods. 
The headline? At last, from Apple – The iDontWantOne with a photo of the iPhone underneath it.
Attractively designed in a rounded sleek metal jacket and sporting a funky blue capacity gauge, Western Digital’s MyBook range of external hard drives are aimed at consumers looking for a stylish solution to their storage problems.
Setting up the drive was a cinch: we simply plugged the drive into a USB port our Windows XP machine, and the drive utilities were automatically installed.
We loved the glowing gauge though: it fades in and out when the drive is turned on and off and does a nice little shimmy when in use.
Although the drive is quiet in use, you can certainly feel it vibrating if you’ve got it on the same surface as your machine, so we recommend lobbing it up on to a shelf.
Our verdict
The Nintendo DS has emerged as the top selling gaming device in both the US and the UK during 2006.
Americans certainly went waheey for the Wii, with 604,200 consoles shifted in December, backed up by brisk business for extra games. 
Despite the bumper sales, Wii’s still remain as rare as a Cardiff City away win, with Nintendo Europe MD Laurent Fischer admitting that the company is still “facing stock shortages.”