Visiting their site and typing in ‘London’ and then clicking on the weather for Friday brings up a weather forecast so fearsome, nay Biblical, that we expect to see wild panic in the streets swiftly followed by a screaming stampede out of the metropolis.
Batten down the hatches?
Proof indeed that Global Warming has hit Brits hard, Londoners can expect the weather to take a dramatic turn come mid-afternoon on Thursday, where the wind will pick up from a breezy 20mph to 273mph, with gusts up to a house-flattening 327mph. It’ll be a tad on the chilly side too, with temperatures set to feel like -13C.
Even the Beaufort scale is not equipped to deal with winds of this magnitude – we’re well past Hurricane force at this stage – although the Mars Global Surveyor may have seen something similar.
Things are set to get even worse on Friday with milkmen and early risers facing heroic battles with 391mph gusts. There’s going to be driving sleet all morning too, with temperatures dropping to an Arctic -18C and the cruel wind never dropping below 286mph all day.
Much like an extended Sim City disaster, Saturday looks to offer another endless battle of man versus cruel, cruel nature, but come Sunday evening the embattled residents of London can enjoy a comparatively gentle 22mph breeze.
The end of London
Sadly, that’ll only give them time to sweep the chunks of masonry, uprooted trees and tossed cars from their driveways because come Monday morning, the wind is back and it’s even angrier than before, gusting up to 429mph and quite probably flattening every standing thing left in London.
All this leaves two possibilities: one is the imminent total destruction of one of the world’s greatest cities at the hands of the worst weather ever seen on Earth, while the second is that Metcheck’s computers are currently emitting vast arrays of white sparks as bespectacled technicians battle to restore human order in the server room.
Lets trust it’s the latter as we were hoping to go for a bike ride on the weekend.
Be sure to take a look at Metcheck before you go outside. Just in case, like.
(Click on the images above for full size screengrabs if the website is no longer working)